someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
