careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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