I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
