I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
