ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
