kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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