worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
