things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
