Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's always time for handjobs
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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