We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
