that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
