The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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