this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
