i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
