also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
