Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
