The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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