He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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