did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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