ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
