I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
