The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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