There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
