Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
