This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
