I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
