Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
