Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
