i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
