glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
