Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
