dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
this will be a night to untag.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
