I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
