you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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