dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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