Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
