He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
sex in a hospital.. check
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
