I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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