I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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