Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
