Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
