Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
