We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
