It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
