this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
