i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
