You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
