It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
