your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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