my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
